It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live ...

I was just a stupid kid back then...

2005-12-29T21:14:07Z

Alright... here's where it ends. It's kinda started to weird me out how many people read this.. and people who know nothing about my life will start talking to me about stuff and I'm like how did you know that. Little did I know the religously read this thing... So I decided I would leave with a last word.

I just got back from Ohio, it was the first time I didn't want to come home. On the ride home I wanted to turn around and head back west. This town is disgusting and has taken way too much out of me. I thank God I have less than a year left here. Than I'm off to bigger and better things, with the one person I love. My life gets realer and realer everyday. And when I look back at my past I eighter smile or frown. But I regret nothing, of corse I wish this summer never happened... but I needed it to grow up, I needed it to show me that, that is exactly how I don't want to live my life. I apologize to anyone I hurt this summer, the truth is I wasn't the slightest bit myself this summer and I realized it when I was in Ohio, cause I was their during the summer. And I made myself sick to think that I tried so hard just to feel something anything this summer that I made myself a million times more numb than I ever wished. I met this kid over the summer and we'd hung out a lot. Then one day he told me it was the first time he had ever seen my sober... and I think of all the drunk drives home and all the phone calls. All the stupid shit I did and it makes me sick. But I'm who I am and I love the person I am.. I've just made some poor chooses.. we all do. And I am the one person who is filled with forgiveness and love, I gained that from my Mother.

Next year I hope to be miles from here with an amazing career, which is already on its way!

So this goes out to my friends in this town, I love you and I could never and would never replace you. You guys make this town parable... thanks kids.

<3 Mo

"forget everything you think you know about me"

happy birthday mom...

2005-12-17T01:06:17Z

I hate to sound like a bad person... but I hate this time of year. All of it, I hate it. haha guess it has to do with the way I was raised.

5 pages out of 12.. ehh that sucks

2005-12-12T00:50:49Z

la la la... I hate mrs.hoyt... I hate senior research... I can't wait to get out of this town... NYC here we come!!!!!!!! I love you wren!

it doesn't look good to me...

2005-12-10T17:08:38Z

I'm a fuck up with the world at my finger tips.. isn't that what being a teenager is all about. When am I gonna grow up?

go now you are forgiven!

2005-12-08T01:42:03Z

This week has been flying by and it's a good thing. I'm almost done with my applications! And I'm done with SAT's forever, and the photo shoot isn't until January 15th. I still have senior research, but I've already desided I'm gonna bullshit it and write it all the day before it's due.. seriously I could care less, and as long as I pass and I no longer have to deal with Mrs.Hoyt's face ever morning I'll be the happiest person ever. We should throw a party.. how does that sound, cause I'm down. 'smiles for miles and miles...'

<3

"I have seen the others and I have discovered.."

my computer just freaked out cause I kicked out the cord to the keyboard... wtf!

2005-12-02T01:02:02Z

So here's the break down.. I have wayyyyyyyy to much to do this weekend. And I'm online because I have no modivation what so ever to do Senior Research... but today I got some Christmas shopping done! So I'm pumped about that, my dad also found an entertainment lawyer that we have to meet with tomorrow in cambridge aka I have to leave school early go there then go to work then I have sat's... kill me now.. oh god I can't wait for it to be the spring time... dominican I'm waiting for that, and right now the only thing that keeps me going is knowing I'll be in nyc next year.

fuck what was that line lily said way back in the day I quoted it cause it was great something about the joys of being a teenager... urghhhh it was good and would be perfect right now but my mind is freaking out and I just spend 20 min trying to find a song by augustana that was really by hellogoodbye, seriously who gets those two bands confussed...

ummm so the rest of my life until after christmas is going to be insaneeeee and I don't think I will be able to sleep for a couple months... yeah teenagerism... I think that was the word lily used it was she said... "ah teenagerism" right? Lily.. I need to e-mail that girl. I think I just might I miss her to pieces.

haha good luck understanding anything I just wrote

Oh shit, Happy Birthday Kayla!!! the big 1 8

I'm in...

2005-11-28T23:28:25Z

I'm lame and I figured it was about time!! haha

so any ways here is the deal to any one who cares to know.. I'm applying to pace, and marymount manhattan and I want to go to pace I'll be in nyc alot... I've already got 2 times in the next month I'm planning on being there... and I want to go there with you! :-) and in you I mean both of you haha!

what happened in November... is what I needed!!!

2005-11-17T01:19:15Z

Alright.. so now I'm thinking I'm going to be moving to nyc soon and it's all so crazy. I mean I'm gonna be in the city and Kate is going to get me work. It's going to be so much fun! Like this is what I have always wanted, and now that I have it I'm like whoa this is too good to be true. I mean like these people want me and for the first time I have to stop and think if it's the life I want. I never ever considered acting, and here Steve is telling me that he can see me on TV and he wants me to go to his school! And I have Kate telling me she thinks I will make her money.. money! It's just so much to take in. And I know if things go good in NYC then I'm off to LA.. but I can't even think about that right now. I have 2.. and counting (seeing as Joe from Abrams likes me and aparently they are a highly known agentcy, and I know fucking Ed Lane... ohhh man!) I have these oppertunities people would KILL for, and they are just sitting here waiting for me to make up my mind. I mean this could be it, fuck it already is it.. I've made it as far as I wanted but now people want to push me to go further and I think it would all be too good to be true. I can't even imagine! This is my chance, and I'm gonna take it I'm gonna hit the ground running and I'm gonna do something with my life, I'm gonna live it up...... I'm gonna be a model! :-)

NYC

2005-11-15T22:58:54Z

ok so here's the deal... I was just in nyc for the past couple of days and this is what happened!

I went to see the school of film and television and Steven was there! He's great and really wants me to come to school with him. So then this Ryan kid gave us a tour of the dorms which were awesome.. they are in Brooklyn Heights and it's soooo nice there the promanade is gorgeous!

Then I went to MMG to meet with Kate, who likes me and wants to sign me for a 2 year contract!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah that pretty much made my week! So now I'm like whoaaaaa :-D I'll write more later right now I'm way to excited and my head is spinning!

<3

why not..

2005-11-06T05:05:58Z

*The Favorites, Have-You-Evers.. and Last Times! Oh, the variety!*
What is your favorite..
gum:	orbit.. the blue kind
restaurant:
drink:	soomthies
season:	fall
type of weather:	cloudy
emotion:	love
thing to do on a half day:	go out to lunch
late-night activity:	talking on the phone
sport:	vollyball
city:	Boston
store:	Urban Outfitters
When was the last time you..
cried:	a couple days ago.. ?
played a sport:	freshman year.. I'm not into sports
laughed:	20 min ago
hugged someone:	2 hours ago
kissed someone:	7 hours ago
felt depressed:	20 min ago
felt elated:	3 days ago
felt overworked:	right now
faked sick:	its been a while
lied:	last night
What was the last..
word you said:	yea
thing you ate:	mac and cheese
song you listened to:	James - Laid... haha I love it!
thing you drank:	lime-aid
place you went to:	work
movie you saw:	crash
movie you rented:	hurricane
concert you attended:	warped tour
Who was the last person you..
hugged:	linda
cried over:	my mom
kissed:	wren
danced with:	Steph and Mar.. in anatomy hahaha
shared a secret with:	kayla
had a sleepover with:	kayla and marilyn
called:	nick
went to a movie with:	i don't remeber
saw:	my mom
were angry with:	my father
couldn't take your eyes off of:	wren
obsessed over:	I don't really obsess over people
Have you ever..
danced in the rain:	yea.. I love the rain
kissed someone:	yes
done drugs:	yup
drank alcohol:	yea
slept around:	no
partied 'til the sun came up:	yea.. good times
had a movie marathon:	way back in the day
gone too far on a dare:	haha.. no
spun until you were immensely dizzy:	yea
taken a survey quite like this before:	can't say I have
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

ecstatic... yeah ecstatic!

2005-11-04T02:39:57Z

have you ever been sooooooo excited, but sooooo scared.. at the same time?

MMG called me today! fuck... idk if I can handle the whole dreams becoming reality... who am I kidding NYC HERE I COME!!

You've gotta know to hustle to make it in this town

2005-11-01T22:47:37Z

Well... this week end was AMAZING!! I won 3rd place in my division for the modeling competition... which means I won a photo shoot! Then I got six call backs from agents!!! And the School of Film and TV want me to go to school with them... the guy loves me, and he like made my life! haha seriously this is crazy... I'm gonna go to NYC in a couple weeks to meet with Cleri, MMG, Abrams, and Blackwood. ahhh it's soo much to handle. Then I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. I mean a lot is still on the line, but I've got a start and a guy that says I have potential.. which is what I need to get going! I mean shit... this is it! :-D :-D :-D

ahh.. the joy of being a senior!

2005-10-24T01:48:09Z

alright so here's the deal... I have WAY too much to do this week.. I'm so stressed! But by next week it will all be over... I have 7 days of hell and fun then I don't need to worry any more. I'll know I did the best that I could! ahhhhhhh but right now... this is the hard part the waiting and the preperation! So if I'm not myself or I don't have the time like I used to.. it's only this week and don't hold this against me! It's just I feel that the rest of my life is going to be determined by the end of this week.. and if not then, then by novemver 14th! And I still need to get ready!!!! AHHHHHHHHH HERE WE GO!!!

figured I'd share...

2005-10-16T14:26:11Z

So last night I couldn't sleep and I started to think... and then my mind went for a good hour or so...

I miss when the hardest decission I had to make was whether to play with barbies or ride my bike. I miss when Lauren used to spin me around in circles and pretend to drop me. I miss watching home alone on thanksgiving with Caitlin and Joe. I miss minnie. I miss having conversations with my parents. I miss the yellow audi mom used to drive. I miss the old neighbor hood.. Annie and Katie. I miss Kate and her love for life. I miss Alex's hugs, Andrew's hilarious comments, 123 Main Street, and Melrose. Even more I miss Dave, the old house.. his room the basement.. Melissa, I havn't seen her in a while. And Mike seriously who paints their balls blue and showes every one? Henry.. where is he now? I miss practically living in Marilyn's house. I miss Kayla and playing basket ball while Tony would comentate. I miss Steph and our "caution slow children" I think we became friends that night... I miss Manda, she was such a good friend to me, all out inside jokes! I miss gymnastics Cindy and Nichole... I loved them and all my girls there! I miss Tom and I having long conversations online. I miss my 8th grade homeroom. I miss Dylan and all of South Hamption woods.. going to Cider Hill, playing Mall Madness with Michelle and Janelle. I miss making videos at Ashley's house. I miss my old house and yard. I miss looking forward to Christmas. I miss Sarah, Brendan, Katie, and TD. I miss Alexa and Sam's old house... the play room upstairs and the pony that was in the corner. I miss having Caitlin right next door. I miss Boston and Barbizon with Jimmy. I miss swim lessons with Martha. I miss not taking medication every morning. I miss picture books and Pams house.

But then again... I love where I am right now. I love my friends. I love my job. I love Linda's kisses. I love getting to talk and see Vic again. I love my boyfriend. I love listening to music and going to concerts. I love hugs from Samone. I love Mrs.Bixby and her hilarious comments. I love being able to come home at 3 in the morning. I love ruby. I love fall. I love sleep...

yea that's what goes through my head a 3 am when I can't sleep...

But I need you to know, that I care and I miss you!

2005-10-16T05:16:54Z

Last Night was fun! Kay, Mar, Linds, and Me hung out then met up with Jay, Scott, and Wade in the nursing home parking lot.. and we all got in the van! haha that made me laugh I was like omg party in the van! So then we went to the foot ball game, and Chris or Mick (what have you) won us all t-shirts! I was so pumped! Then we went back to Marilyns with Colin, Derek, and Jamie. We have video tape, it's great! So then we all went to Alex's house... and Colin was wearing Marilyn's pink feather hat, yeah I found feathers in the back of my van today! Then today I hung out with Wren, he's amazing!!! After I worked with Steph and Liz, we had a really chill manager for the night Paul, haha I gave him a pic of an elephant I colored just for him! After work I hung with Marilyn and Kayla... good times!

senior-itis!

2005-10-14T01:41:29Z

Today was great! I hung out with Wren for a little while. Then Mar and I went to get canned goods for Anatomy... we got beans, pickles, ramon, and mac & cheese... haha I love it! Then I got home and got the information about the 30th... ahhh too much to do! And I should be doing more about colleges but once again I have no modivation. Oh yes and some how everyone found out about what me and the girls were gonna be for senior dress up day.... so SCRATCH THAT... which sucks we had an awesome idea! Urgh, I sould be studing...

"home by three
deafening quiet
the porch light's off
yes they forgot it
she'd cry herself to sleep
but she don't dare
and she wants to be a model
she wants to hear she's beautiful
she's beautiful..."

I <3 Something Corporate... and yea I post lyrics to songs I'm not listening to...

"This isn't Friendly's this is SCREWED!"

2005-10-08T20:39:48Z

So what have I been up to... Yesterday I hung out with Wren... did you get that?? I hung out with Wren. Then I had work. Today I went to pick up Caitlin, Dave, Dane and Matt at the train. Then we all went to Friendly's with Kate and Jesse. It was a good time. The best part was when we were leaving and the guys wanted to get a toy out of the claw machine. haha it was pretty exciting we were all yelling and Dave got pretty pissed, but Matt stuck with it and won the stuffed spider, ha! Then we all took a trip to Cider Hill even though it was raining pretty hard. Good times, now I have work with Steph and we're gonna hang out after, so give us a call?!

that will be it...

2005-10-07T17:38:07Z

So glad we have this four day weekend! I needed some time to catch up with my life. So last night Kayla, Linds, TJ and I went to Friendly's. And guess who we saw Chad, weird... yea. So then Kayla and I went back to her house and watched old home videos. We found one of Me, Kay and Mar in 8th grade... omg it was hilarious. We were the lamest kids back then, haha. Seriously it made my night complete, I think my favorite was when kay and I were in red dresses and mar dressed up like a guy and we made up a dance to some lou bega song! ahhh haha memories... Shit guys... this is it, we'll all be gone next year!

And the big question is what am I going to do with my life. Hopefully this audition goes well, cause if it does I will be pretty much set. Or at least I'll have an occupation. But like idk there is just so much involved and like I wonder if I should go to Cali after school to make money and get noticed. Or should I got to NYC or Boston... I'm thinking I should be at the point where I will drop everything and move away at the end of school... and that's kinda freaky, I'll be gone on my own.

"I think it's one of those stop lights that doesn't work"

2005-10-03T00:31:24Z

Oh man... it was another one of those week ends! haha jk. So Friday night I worked then went to the game.. meet up with my girls. Then we all went to Marilyn's house. After that I went to see my favorite person ;-). Saturday Jimmy came and we had lunch with his parents. After that we went to the mall with Marilyn. Then met up with Kayla, and we all had some good times in the van. We made it back to my house and just chilled for the rest of the night. Today Jim and I went to the competition/ audition whatever you want to call it. And that lady was there!!! ahhh haha she made my day, if only she was wearing that cow print outfit!

I love this!

2005-09-29T00:24:28Z

Today.. was fucking awesome!!!

Got Your Tickets?

2005-09-25T02:54:07Z

Last night was a blast. Marilyn, Lindsay, TJ, EJ, Bill all hung out at Kayla's. I had a regular old party myself. haha So Marilyn has like a million hilarious pictures of me. And I was wereing the best shirt ever it said... "Do You Have Your Tickets? ... (arrows pointing to my arms) To the Gun Show!" hahahahhah I love it! Then this morning I woke up on Kayla's floor with a head ace and a big bruse on my arm, and a couple missed calls. So Mar and I went to print some of her digital pictures, and the machine shit the bed three times. We were in CVS for a good hour! But we have the best picture ever of the Class Heart Breaker... BILL! I had to worked six hours tonight, it wasn't that bad. I have work in the morning... but now Kayla is coming over and were gonna hop in the hot tub!! I'm so pumped I havn't been in that thing in forever!

why don't you just drop dead?

2005-09-22T00:08:30Z

... I really cannot wait to get out of this town!

FHDSALJFDKSAJ FDLSA JFIDSLAFNDKSLAnfDSAILfjdsaL

2005-09-19T01:06:41Z

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! YEAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! :-D :-D

Alright, I have been feeling shitty until like tonight! hahah This is because...

A. I got cut from work super early and got to get my home work done!

B. I saw this amazing photo of Dave that really killed me, it's HILARIOUS... don't take my word for it please take a look for your self...

http://community.webshots.com/photo/453788889/453788889splzwT#

C. It is OFFICAL... Kayla, Marilyn, Steph and I (possibly some cool kids like the AHS quarter back or that kid who dances when he's drunk)

ARE GOING TO THE DOMINCAN!!!!!!!!!!! OMG IT'S GONNA BE THE BEST WEEK OF MY LIFE, CAN'T WAIT!!!!

D. Things are looking good!

haha... crazy

2005-09-14T23:47:54Z

So today was interesting... I was in lunch and Mish was like yea some kid moved here from Melrose, he knows your ex-boyfriend.... I was like no way Andy is here! haha so Andy finally moved to Amesbury, it was weird talking to him I never knew him all that well and I hadn't seen him in months. So I've got all this stuff I want to do and not enough time.... ehhhh

another day...

2005-09-13T20:10:04Z

Back in school... and it sucks haha! Oh well this is it, I have all of nine months left!! So I went in to get my work scedual and Robin was there he's like oh here let me tell you your scedual, he's pretty lame. So Paula didn't take the hint that I didn't want to work all weekend and she scedualed me for all weekend... which is cool, right? Ahhhh oh well I need the money. I'll be fucking rich if she keeps this up. As for other things I havn't seen my girls in FOREVER and it sucks cause I'm working or they have sports or what not. I only get to see steph saturday nights when we work. Oh well I'm hopeing things will work out for me this time aroud....